When I Grow Up I Don't Want to Be...

Not long ago, my parents and the boys and I were up in Yosemite for a day trip. While there, we added something new to our Yosemite agenda. We went to watch the movie "Spirit of Yosemite", which plays at the visitor center every thirty minutes or so. The film is only about 22 minutes, but it has some wonderful views of the park. It was inspiring enough that at one point I thought, "I just love the mountains. I think when I grow up I'll live in a mountainous area like this. Maybe we could even work in the park so we could be here all the time." And then, it was as if I physically heard the brakes squealing to a stop in my brain, and with a shock of disappointment I realized, "Wait a minute. I'm already grown up." What a bummer. What an eye-opener. What a dream-crusher.

So, it is with a sad shake of the head that I must announce that I probably never going to grow up and live in a National Park. (The boys thought that was a crazy idea, anyway.)

Of course, there are things that I do not want to grow up to be. Just this weekend, for example, I realized that I don't really want to grow up and be a public speaker. This past Friday night, I spoke about our Prague years at our church's "Ladies Night". While it seemed to go fine and all, I spent several hours afterward analyzing everything I said, and how I said it, and questioning why I said things one way or another. Despite their kind compliments, I worried about how people took it, and what they thought about it. It was grueling.

I think I'll just leave the public speaking to Jason, who doesn't seem to let so many emotions ride on wondering how he did after each speaking occasion. Unfortunately, I personally just seem to care too much about what people think of me, especially after standing up and talking in front of about eighty of them.

In fact, this is the reason I don't ever want to grow up and be a Flier Passer Outer, either. You know, those people that stand in public places and hand out fliers? If I did that job, I'm afraid I would be crushed if people rejected my fliers. I would take it personally with everyone of the thousands I would probably have to pass out. Love me, love my fliers. Reject my fliers, reject me. It's just that simple, people.

I guess the good news in this story is that for the most part, there is not much room for "when I grow up" ambitions. I guess that's one way to put a positive slant on getting older. Even if it does mean that I won't get a job in the mountains.