Stay Vertical, My Friends

Well, you might think that with a fifteen-year old and a thirteen-year old in the house that at least one of them would have attended one school dance in their lives.  (Of course, if you grew up in a church environment like my childhood one that thought might never cross your mind.    I grew up with the basic guidelines of "No Drinking, No Smoking, No Dancing".  Oh, and "No Mixed Bathing", something that my personal church left off the list - but that's another story.)

I digress.  The fact is that neither of the boys has attended any dances so far, although there have been plenty of opportunities for them to go to one.  (Dances seem to be a big thing here.)  It's not that I didn't want them to go, but rather that neither of them have ever really ever shown any interest in going to one.


Until now.  It turns out that disinterest in a dance can be very quickly superseded  by interest in the girl who asks you to a dance.  And so it is that Jericho is attending the Sadie Hawkins dance this Saturday night.

I personally am not at all worried about Jericho attending a school dance.  However, I was a little surprised at the "School Dance Contract" that came home from school today.  It had all kind of rules to follow which were a little - interesting.

The first part is rather obvious and straightforward:

4.  A student and his/her guest must exhibit and maintain class and dignity at all times, be cordial, use appropriate language and act and dance appropriately. Students who dance or behave inappropriately will be escorted out of the dance, parents will be called and the student will not be given a refund.

Then it gets more interesting:

a. Dancing may not be sexually explicit. This means no freaking, grinding, groping, etc. No making out.
b. Dancing may not be dangerous. This means no moshing, slamming, getting on someone’s shoulders, etc.
c.  Dancers must be vertical when dancing with someone.

Okay, first of all, there is at least one term on there that I am not altogether familiar with, although given the context of the sentence (a), I can probably figure out the basic meaning. 

Second of all, who is the Dirty-Dancing-Term-Savvy faculty member who knew all of these words?  Wow.  I'm kind of impressed with their knowledge. 

Third of all, dancers must stay vertical?  I was trying to imagine how dancing horizontally could even be possible -- then I stopped myself.  Not going there, especially with my son in that mental gymnasium.

Wow.  So in this Alternate School Dance World, "No dancing, smoking, or drinking" has moved to "No freaking, grinding or groping."  Very (frighteningly) interesting.

I will still let him go, though - I think.  But I will remind him (on this and many other occasions) to stay vertical.