Letting the Ball Fall to the Ground

I suppose that in the case of most sports, one is supposed to hold on to the ball. Football, basketball, baseball - catching and holding on (at least for a little bit) is very crucial to how all of these sports are played. The ball is important.

I've been thinking about this metaphor a lot lately in terms of the boys and sports. Anyone who read my posts from this past spring knows that we had some trying sports times when we first came to Fresno. Both boys went though sporting seasons that all but crushed their sporting self-confidence. I came out of the seasons disappointed and a more than a little bitter that what I thought would be a great transitioning aid to their move to California turned out to be more harmful than good.

It's just that before we moved (and the first few weeks during our time here) I pictured their sports teams a vehicle of sorts - one that would bring them new friends and acquaintances, feelings of success in the their new town. But it wasn't that way at all.

With the fall came new sports. I posted several times in September about soccer with Jacob, and how I bribed him to go to a new team after his school team didn't have enough players. How the bribe was successful and how I thought he had a found a team where he could really feel comfortable. I didn't write about the rest of the story, though.

To make a long story short, it didn't work out. He practiced with this second team for two weeks, and every practice I would check with the coaches, saying, "You've got his name, right? You know he's signed up and all?" They said, "Yes, we've got him. He's good." But when it came time to pass out the uniforms for the first game, they didn't have him. His name was not on the list, and he stood and watched as the other boys got their uniforms and his name wasn't called. Unfortunately, other new players had also come to the most recent practices as well, and by then they had too many to put on the team.

There was a chance that he could play on that school's B team, but if you know anything about Jacob, starting over with a new team is just not his thing. Plus, the B team coach told me he didn't even know if Jacob could actually play on his team, because he thought maybe he was supposed to give preference to the boys from his school. The result of this was me with my "Whatever" coffee mug in hand, considering trying to fight to get him on the B team. However, it seemed an uphill battle, he was extremely resistant to the idea, and after all of this I was just weary of it all.

In the end, I just let it go. I stopped trying to push the symbolic basketball of "hope and adjustment" to Jacob and I just let it fall to the floor. I took a deep breath and realized that I was the one pasting all of the "new-town-adjustment " stickers onto the ball. Because the truth is that Jacob is happy. He is adjusting well. He doesn't seem to need those teams at all. In fact, they probably did more harm to his adjustment than good, but who was to know that when we started?

That ball has now rolled off in the corner of our messy garage somewhere. The "hopes and dreams" stickers that I had glued on it have fallen off and lie on the ground beside it. I am trying (even today as Jericho heads off to school basketball practice) to leave it there. If the ball gets picked up again, it will be because the boys pick it up, and they can do with it as they wish. I will try and keep my expectations and hopes off of it.

I'll do my best just sit back and watch, and cheer when I can.

picture by Lst1984 (Creative Commons License: Attribution, Non-Commercial)

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Oh. I Forgot About This Part

You know, when one is making a list of all the ways they will need to adjust after a big move, several quickly jump to mind. Getting to know the people, adjustment in the schools, climate change, general cultural adjustment, etc. One that might not come to one as quickly, however, is one that today I'll call "Proving and Establishing Yourself to Potential Employers". This of course involves that sometimes-lengthy process of going through that metamorphosis from an unknown, faceless person looking for a job, to becoming known as a person capable and skilled at one's profession. (That of course is only if one is actually capable and skilled, but for this point, let's just assume that one is.)

I had forgotten about that part of adjustment. But yesterday I suddenly remembered it. This happened when I finally was able to talk to a real live person in one of the school districts here that I have applied to be a substitute teacher in. I put in my application in June, and then received a response from them in September, stating that they were not interested in interviewing me. And yesterday, after numerous unanswered emails and unreturned messages, I found out why.

It seems that this district uses something called the TeacherInsight Assessment for everyone who applies to teach in their district. Here is a blurb copied from their website describing the test:

Q1:What is the TeacherInsight?



The TeacherInsight is an automated online interview used by many school districts to help them identify the best potential teachers. If you ever had a personal interview for a job, the interviewer asked a variety of questions to get to know you better and determine if you would be a good fit for the job. Gallup’s TeacherInsight is much the same, but with several advantages. TeacherInsight is fair because all applicants are asked exactly the same questions and they are evaluated exactly the same way. The questions have been thoroughly researched and tested to be sure they identify potentially superior teachers. The TeacherInsight interview development study, completed in January 2002, demonstrated content, construct, and criterion-related validity as well as fairness across Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) classifications of race, gender, and age. Subsequent analysis of candidate scores indicates similar results and interview fairness across groups. TeacherInsight does not replace personal interviews, but by efficiently identifying the best potential teachers, district representatives are able to spend more time with these promising candidates and conduct more productive personal interviews.

I highlighted the key parts for you, just in case you didn't want to read it (and who would, really). In short, it's an online test to determine if you have the characteristics and beliefs to be a good teacher or not. If you do not score high enough, you do not get an interview for the position. Or any other position in that school district, for that matter. You can, however, retake the test in 12 months to try again.

As you might have guessed, I apparently do not have what it takes to be a good teacher. Despite my years of education, my varied teaching experience and solid evaluations, my surely-adequate intelligence, and a folder full of good references, I am not the teacher I thought I was, and therefore I can not teach for this school district.

Obviously, this is a very disenheartening and humiliating development. I obviously have some kind of flaw in taking these kind of tests, as you might remember failing one of these character-type tests for a craft store years ago. (I would link you to this embarrassing confession, but I have no idea in what post I previously mentioned it. Plus, trust me, it's enough for me just to mention it again here. Oh, wait. I found it, and it's so interesting where it was that I have to link to it. Of course, I mentioned it in this post I wrote about taking the TeacherInsight test for this school district...)

Of course, I do seem to have the ability to do very well on challenging academic cross-cultural language tests by only studying on my own, but I suppose that's not what's really important in the teaching world.

Okay, I'm getting worked up here. I'm feeling the need to go and pull out my "Whatever" mug.

Yes, I'm mad and embarrassed and stunned by it all, but I'm also really missing the state of being known as someone who yes, really does know what they are doing in a classroom. It's not very fun being a faceless applicant, especially when you have to work so hard to even earn an interview in the first place.

That's all I have to say about that. I'm off to go and to drink some coffee.

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Contemplating Taking the Test

Well, the other night at Jacob's basketball practice I sat and answered all the sample questions in the study guide provided on line for this test I was talking about the other day. I came out with about 71% correct (out of about 30 questions). I thought was pretty good considering that I have never studied anything about English Language Learners, and largely had no idea what they were talking about.

Of course, that was only the multiple choice questions. The other half of it is written answers. Regardless, I think I'm going to take a chance on taking it without the expensive prep courses. I'm going to order the fancy "Crosscultural, Language, and Academic Development Handbook: A Complete K-12 Reference Guide" on Amazon, and the "CTEL Exam Flashcard Secrets" (also from Amazon), and go forth to study on my own.

I figure the worst that can happen is that I can fail it and have to take it again. The best that can happen is that I will pass it with flying colors, and Jason be so grateful that I saved us $800 that he will give me that money instead!

Well, I can wish...

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A New Beginning

I have decided it was time for a new blog, if for no other reason that our family is about to make a new turn in the road. I suppose that if a major new turn in the road doesn't deserve a new blog, then nothing does.

Our new turn in the road is this: Jason has accepted a new job as the preaching minister at the College Church in Fresno, California. So, at the end of January of next year, we are planning to pack up and drive all of those many miles to our new home in Fresno.

Whew. Even after a few weeks of knowing this, it still seems very surreal to write (and say and think) this. But it is true, and it is the road that we are undertaking.

So, a new blog for a new turn as we journey onward.

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